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The Ex-Factor

November 2, 2011

If you have read this blog before, you would know that I used to be tied up in a serious, or more aptly described as a seriously disturbed, relationship. If you have not read it before, most likely you are not a member of my immediate family, and I hope that this post proves to be as helpful to you as it was cathartic for me in writing it.

The span of three and a half years, three major cities, and too many tumultuous encounters to count, the relationship that brought me to this fine city has finally come to a close. In commemorating this happy development, I decided to resurrect my original cynicism for not your average diary entry, but rather, a make-shift How To guide to get over the tool that broke your heart, and move on to an even better you.

Disclaimer: None of the advice is meant to be taken too literally, unless you are in desperate need of some semblance of advice, and/or want to have a good laugh at my expense.

First off, once it is over, you should really take the time to yourself to figure out your own path, who you are outside of the relationship, and all of that. Once you get bored with that, which you will, because self-reflection post-break up is never the most scintillating experience, snap out of it, and realize that this is your time to have fun outside of dictatorial regime that was your previous relationship, and get over it.  Date ALOT. Decide that your type is something along the lines of Leonardo DiCaprio meets Josh Hartnet raised on a farm by Ryan Gosling(thank you Babe Walker) and decide that you will settle for nothing less… until you do. Then date some more. Narrow it down to a short list of seven, decide that eating out every night of the week, while economically delightful, proves to be a bit of problem… That is, unless your definition of “in shape” is round. Then decide that it might be time to reevaluate your priorities.

Read. Become well-versed in popular issues(that is, issues outside the realm of Kim Kardashian’s impending divorce), and get your act together. Lose the 20 lbs you gained while you two were breaking up. Rekindle your relationships with your girlfriends, and figure out what it is you really want. Finally, narrow the list down to one; maybe someone who makes you laugh, plays guitar, and who can make a kick-ass milkshake(hypothetically of course), and finally realize that being single isn’t as fun as hanging out with this imaginary fellow.

Whether you decide to play it cool, or play it desperate, be sure to stay true to who you are. Some say you need to hold the cards, at least initially. As my friend Andrea once told me, “it is better to love like a guy than to be played like a bitch.”

While I did not listen to one stitch of that advice, and instead play my own hand in a chaotic manner, I still think it might be beneficial piece of advise to take note of.

One more thing, and this is important. In order to get over the dreaded ex who broke your heart, actually “be over it” before you start dating. Crying into someones mouth is never attractive.

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